I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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