I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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