pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
