holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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