I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
