He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
