if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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