Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
ttyl tear gas
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize