i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
