sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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