All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
