I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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