If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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