Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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