Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
