I am puke
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
