Soap is not a condiment
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
