it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
