a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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