she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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