I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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