i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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