I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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