just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
