Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
