Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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