butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
