Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
