I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
