dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
My vagina just recognized that song.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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