I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
there is glitter all over my balls
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
