Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
