i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
