Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
