I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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