Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I have tasted many bathrooms
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
