Say something about gay babies.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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