apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
The convent might be a nice break from real life
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
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