Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
