can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
