i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
