Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You peed on a flamingo?!?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
