in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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