Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
