I wannas sexs uuuuu
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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