My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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