if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
