I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
