My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
