i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
