So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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