Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
FUCK WHALES
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
