my vag is so smooth its legendary
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just gift wrapped bread.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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