It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
