how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
