I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
