its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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