so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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