remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
