I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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