I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize