Swine flu. Run for my life!
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
