ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
