why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
