yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
