Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize