Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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