i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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