What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
