I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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