Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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