It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
