I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
