You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Never underestimate the power of titties
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
