Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
